How Do I Know How I Am Doing?

A friend of mine asked a really good question:

Someone asked me this week "how can I know if God is really happy with who I am and what I am doing in life?" and I've been thinking a lot about that. I talked to her about Helaman 10:2-5 because it came to mind, and about the power of prayer and being able to recieve guidance from God. But I've also been thinking about that. There's a big difference between doing good things, and doing what God wants, and I was just wondering what you thought about that. How can one know if they're really following the will of God in their lives? 

This is a topic worthy of careful consideration. Here is what I answered:

Your question is good. Many people struggle throughout life to know how to measure their standing in life and with God. The world suggests externally measurable indicators of ones worth. Things like positions at work or in the church, salary, degrees, physical fitness accomplishments, being on winning teams, etc. These can all be good things, but when we set up measures of our ability to compete with others as our metric of self-worth we will be disappointed. We create enmity with others when we are focused on winning in order to feel good about ourself.

I like your suggestion of Nephi in Helaman 10 as a good example. His sense of self-worth came from the Lord’s acceptance of Nephi’s life and service to others. Notice that key idea. Nephi did not seek his own life, he sought God’s will and to keep God’s commandments. In other words, Nephi’s life is an example of the Savior’s teaching in Matthew 16:

24 ¶ Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
26 For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? … 

Understanding God’s commandments can be a challenge. You asked about the difference between doing good and doing what God wants. It seems to me that it is easy to get caught up in lists of things to do as a measure of doing good. For example, missionaries have many, many rules to guide them. It is possible to mistake the lists of rules for God’s commandments. Then, it may be disappointing to find that, despite not breaking the rules, you are not feeling success as a missionary. Good missionaries generally live by the rules, but keeping the rules does not necessarily make you a good missionary. This is the same in life after a mission. People can get caught up in rules. We make lists of things to do and confuse the list with righteousness. For example: read scriptures every day; attend the temple every week or month; complete a four generation family tree; write in a journal every day; pray morning, noon, night, at meals, with the family, and more; etc. These are all good things. But, going through the motions is not the same as being righteous.

Consider scripture study as an example. When we read the scriptures as a task on a “to do” list, we may, or may not, feel the spirit and learn from the scriptures. And, when we miss a day we get down on ourselves. It is possible to read every day and not get the real benefit. When we read because we hear the voice of the Lord through the scriptures, then we learn and draw closer to God. Would you rather read every day and not get any closer to God, or would you rather hear the voice of God through the scriptures even if you miss a day here or there? Honestly, I don’t know if there has ever been a time when I have read every day consistently. But, I have always loved the scriptures. When I read, I feel closer to God, I hear His voice, and I learn. Sometimes I study intently one day and then ponder for a day or two before reading and studying more. The point is that if you love God, and draw closer through the scriptures, you will read them effectively. If you read the scriptures as a task list item, you might never get closer to God. It is getting closer to God that is the measure of success, not the frequency or duration of scripture study.

John gives a great insight into what it means to obey the commandments of Jesus Christ. In 1 John 3:

16 Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
17 But whoso hath this world’s good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?
18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
19 And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before him.
20 For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.
21 Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.
22 And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.
23 And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.
24 And he that keepeth his commandments dwelleth in him, and he in him. And hereby we know that he abideth in us, by the Spirit which he hath given us.

Our standing with God is not measured in competition with others, it is measured by service to others. And, when we love and serve others we have confidence toward God. Confidence that we are obeying His commandments comes from the recognition that we have His Spirit in us. These verses suggest that the sacrament ordinance is the key to knowing that God is happy with us. We know because we have His Spirit with us. We don’t need a visible calling to serve others, we serve as guided by the Spirit. We don’t need a task list, or accomplishment list, or any other external measure, if we have the Spirit and love for others to guide us.

One last idea. In Helaman 10:5 Nephi receives a promise from God that he will be blessed forever. This is Nephi having his calling and election made sure. Peter gives an important insight into how Nephi, and all of us, can receive this promise from God. In 2 Peter 1:

5 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;
6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;
7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
8 For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
9 But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.
10 Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall:

Notice that in verse 10 is the admonition to make your calling and election sure. How is it made sure? You do the things that Peter has listed, then the Lord will promise you that you will never fall, or in other words, you will be blessed forever like Nephi. Peter gives a list of attributes. This is not a task list. Rather, it is a list of the attributes of a true follower of Christ. We can pray and ask for help to develop these traits. We can study them to understand what they are and why they are in the sequence that Peter has listed. We can know that we are pleasing God as we receive God’s help in developing into this kind of person. Notice that this is the same list as in D&C 4:6. These are the essential attributes of a servant of Jesus Christ.

John, Peter, and Joseph Smith all teach the same thing. As we develop charity, pure love, we gain confidence toward God, become like Christ, and have His Spirit with us. This is how we know our standing with God and become blessed forever.